hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
