I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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