moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
