I will die if light touches me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
