the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
