True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
