chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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