If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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