ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
