so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
