And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
