Me too!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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