It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
