apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
