3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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