Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
