I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
