oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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