So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize