all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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