I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
