my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
