Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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  (817): So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much http://tfl.nu/mbp8
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (2197)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.

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  (917): I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom. http://tfl.nu/7aa5
  Replies (65) Good night (6471) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me

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  (408): ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me http://tfl.nu/23c1
  Replies (18) Good night (1415) Bad night (6307)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.

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  (417): i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings. http://tfl.nu/51gi
  Replies (7) Good night (4177) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!

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  (281): FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed! http://tfl.nu/axg9
  Replies (16) Good night (1196) Bad night (5016)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home." 

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  (708): I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."  http://tfl.nu/9eb3
  Replies (15) Good night (7297) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.

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  (814): It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble. http://tfl.nu/cvy5
  Replies (17) Good night (745) Bad night (4963)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude

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  (631): I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude http://tfl.nu/oumf
  Replies (12) Good night (1743) Bad night (3515)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney

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  (224): you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney http://tfl.nu/cyaf
  Replies (3) Good night (3694) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job

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  (519): he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job http://tfl.nu/3g10
  Replies (8) Good night (858) Bad night (3759)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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  (970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h
  Replies (2) Good night (1098) Bad night (2655)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work

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  (859): You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work http://tfl.nu/e8m2
  Replies (3) Good night (1247) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.

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  (910): Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer. http://tfl.nu/mbe5
  Replies (5) Good night (1573) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.

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  (423): I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time. http://tfl.nu/nl7k
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...

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  (248): Sex aside I am really scared about Syria... http://tfl.nu/pc9q
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (322)

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