Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
25 People Didnâ€™t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.