she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today