butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.