You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.