Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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