smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
