upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
