i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
