when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
