This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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