Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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