i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
