Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
