i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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