checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize