i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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