I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize