Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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