U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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