Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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