Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
