So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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