If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
