shes about as inviting as chlamydia
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
