Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
