At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
