WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
