I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
