Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
