I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
