I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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