I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters