i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.