Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.