Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
