Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.