Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
