This girl is more easily done than said...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
