What did we do last night that was yellow?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
