i may or may not be watching the land before time
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
