so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Floor bacon is actually really good
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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