also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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