My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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