I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
