Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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