I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
