he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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