Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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