I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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