I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
